‘We came here as strangers; we left as family’: an emotional, hopeful weekend for bereaved military families

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11 October 2024

In 2023, SSAFA, the Armed Forces charity and the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) signed a Memorandum of Understanding, further strengthening the bond between the two organisations that began in 2019.

TAPS is a US charity founded in 1994 and offers comfort and care to anyone affected by the death of a loved one who served in the US Armed Forces.

For the fourth year in a row, SSAFA and TAPS invited families to attend the NFL (National Football League) UK Experience with TAPS, which invited 10 families from across three organisations including US families from TAPS and UK families from SSAFA Support Groups and Families Activity Breaks (FAB) for the bereaved military community.

The purpose of the weekend is for the families to meet other bereaved families, build meaningful connections and access peer to peer support. The programme is run by teams4taps, which works with sports teams across the country for surviving military families and to honour the lives of their fallen family members. The weekend is also supported by serving Military Mentors.

The event started with an opening dinner at Covent Garden where families met, introduced themselves and spoke about who they were at the event to honour. This is always an emotional moment but is also the start of families finding common ground and building connections.

The next day, the families were welcomed by the MoD to lay flowers and a wreath at the Iraq and Afghanistan Memorial, and at The Cenotaph. This was a poignant occasion as most of the fallen had served in Afghanistan and Iraq, with many serving multiple tours. Following this, the families attended the US Ambassador's Residence for afternoon tea and to meet with Her Excellency Jane Hartley, the US Ambassador to the United Kingdom, and NFL representatives. The Ambassador addressed the families directly and spoke of the sacrifice of the serving personnel, giving each family member the time to share stories of their loved one who died in service.

The NFL is a great supporter of TAPS experience and were kind enough to arrange exclusive access to The Minnesota Vikings training practice. The Vikings showed their support of the bereaved community by taking time out of their busy schedule to meet the families and present them with jerseys in honour of the death of their family member. With many Vikings fans amongst the group, this was an exceptionally special moment that many will treasure for years to come. Across Saturday, staff witnessed the bonding between families with friendships growing and support networks developing between those with similar experiences or service links.

It was then time for the game – between the Vikings and the New York Jets – at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The NFL also demonstrated their support to the families by showing footage and images in honour of the US and UK fallen, and gave thanks to TAPS, SSAFA and FAB.

Speaking later, Ellen Chard, SSAFA’s Additional Needs and Disability Advisor – wo helped organise the weekend – said: “One of our families commented ‘We came here as strangers, and we left as family,’ and across the days together, families were able to reflect on some of their darkest times and how this weekend has supported them to feel a little less alone, having built a support network.”

She added that many of the families spoke of how special it has been to meet others who fully understand how they feel, and how much they value the importance of TAPS organising the event with both FAB and SSAFA families present.

Ellen concluded: “SSAFA remains grateful to TAPS for the support it continues to give to the bereaved community across the world, and for their continued commitment to the SSAFA and TAPS partnership. The warmth of feeling and relationships built are a credit to the commitment of all staff members and the trust built between the families.”

The Vikings beat the Jets 23-17.